Our daughter

15/11/09

Raining- Today is a very cold day, the rain falls heavily for hours, we are shivering inside the car, especially him because of the wet shirt... In Pizza Hut, there is a kid who cries so loud and draws our attention. I see a young couple, bringing their son for a dinner with friends, but finally ends up the father has to sacrifice himself to carry the baby all around to comfort him. i ask him, 'Do you like kids?', 'Hmm.. if like this one then i don't like.' while pointing to that particular crying kid. I smile, telling him all kids are like that, so you cannot avoid that. I tell him i like kids, he looks at me with a very surprising face, 'Really ar?' Well, I don't know what I did to make him thinks that I'm kind of 'anti-kid' girl, due to my over-anxious towards pregnancy I guess. Actually, I wish to have my own kids and family, when there is a suitable timing and a correct person to spend my whole life together with. Since I was a child, there is one ambition inside my heart, which is to become a good wife to my beloved husband, and a good mother to my dearest children. Anyhow, due to my current condition, i started to reconsider this, whether I should really have my own family and kids, as I might leave them at any moment. Will it be better if I just live alone, and leave alone... Sometimes I feel worry about my Mr.R, let say after 10 years or 15 years, when there is something unpredictable happens, and I'm no longer around him, what will happen to him...

Our daughter- If that is the case, I think I'll leave a kid with him, so that he will not feel lonely. I hope that she is a daughter, and she has my eyes and smile, so that he can see me whenever he sees her... I hope that she doesn't cry much, because her father doesn't like kid who cries a lot... Hmm..she will be a smart girl like her mother, so he no need to worry much and can focus on his career... And she will have a good memory like me too, to help her father to remember the direction and daily stuffs... I guess he will love our daughter very much, just like how much he loves me... and I'm sure she will love her father too, on behalf of me... Our daughter will be a very cute and nice girl, she will talk to her father when he is bored... She will kiss her father every night before he sleeps, and every morning when he opens his eyes... and she will give her father a warm and tight hug, when he coming back from work... She will touch her father's hair and tell him to calm down, when he is getting mad... She will hold her father's hand when he feels cold, and try to give him some warm... and she will write 'I Love U' on her father's palm, just like what her mother always does...

But of course, i wish that the story will be my Mr.R and I, and our daughter, three of us living happily until the end... :)