Part of Me

17/07/2010

Intimacy-Tonight, we experienced our first intimacy... Actually it's not really our first time, but it was the first that he leave part of him inside my body.. He kissed me on my forehead before sleep.. Looking at this man, I really wish to tell him how much I love him, that I willing to do so with all my heart, to be a girl who totally belongs to him.

On the second day, he saw me suffering from nausea and abdominal discomfort, he was truly anxious and worried, blamed that the emergency pill was a terrible one, with so many side effects..Seeing his angry face, I just felt funny..In fact I knew it from the start, but I never regret to do so.. Because it is all for the man I love, and who loves me so much too..

And I never expect that he will tell me something so sweet..
"Dear, I felt that you have become part of me.." he said.. :)

Brighten up my life

17/07/10

Thinking of the Past-
This weekend I stayed alone in my room, reminding me my past old life, when I was still single.. which I wake up seeing no one beside, had my breakfast alone, watched movie and laughed to myself, studied in front of laptop, drove out alone to get my lunch or dinner.. The room was always silent, so I played the music all the time, though they were always the same old songs from my laptop.. Sometimes I didn't say a single word throughout the day, sometimes I did, perhaps with my mum in the phone, or with the hawker when I packed my meal..There used to be many things running inside my mind, sometimes while driving, I might think, let say I suddenly disappear from the world, do you think anyone will notice it?? But somehow or rather, once a time I used to adapt to this kind of life, by living alone in one corner of the world.. Slowly and eventually.. I adapted it without any complaint..

Until the day I met my Mr.R, my life has totally changed.. I found my life is fully occupied, with studies and clinical work in hospital during the day, and sweet dating in some lovely evening.. Then we'll spend our weekends together, stuck with each others for the precious 48 hours.. We cuddling together for movie, playing around and tickling each others, telling funny stories in our lives, having warm shower together in the bath tub, holding hands when sleep, morning kissing once awake.. Everything is just fantastic when we are together, and those are the happiest moment throughout my four years time in this busy city fulled of hustle and bustle..

Thanks God for bringing such a wonderful person into my life.. ^^

Love to be pampered

10/07/10

Key-Morning, he drove me and one of his friend to work..
Just about to reach, he touched his pocket and found no key, then he turned to his friend and asked him whether he is holding his office key..I was thinking maybe they forgot to bring the key or what..

Never expect that when his friend took out the key, what he told him was to pass the key to me.. Both his friend and I was wondering, what was it for.. And he said, 'So that she no need to walk too far.' He dropped me right in front of the club, while they drove to the parking lot which was some distance away..

Seeing his act, I just feel so sweet! How nice, to have such a considerate and lovely man.. And I just, love to be pampered by him!! ^^

Secret

24/06/10

Sex and the city--
I like this movie, especially the part when Carrie decided to tell Big she was kissing with her ex, though all her best friends told her not to do so. Bearing with the risks that her marriage might just be screwed up by this incident, still she decided to be honest to the man she loves, as what she said, there shouldn't be any secret between them..

I'm pretty agree with her. That's the reason why I always tell him the guys whoever tried to approach me. You know what, actually I can just hide it as he will never knows, ever since he never suspicious on me. But I just don't know why, right in front of him, I can't tell any lies.. I have no ability to lie, to the man I love and who loves me so much too.. Perhaps Carrie and I have the same belief, there shouldn't be any secret between two people who love each others so much.

Well, there is something I always say, I have already found the best guy, what should I expect more?? I'm contented enough, just to be loved by this man. ^^

Am I?

'I don't need anyone in my life.'-

He said this in our conversation. I was shocked, and very quiet.. There was a very strong feeling of sadness arising from the bottom of my heart. I felt very very very sad.. sad until I can't even open my mouth to give him any response. He didn't notice, tears were running around my eyes..

'So you meant you don't need me as well.' After some moment, I managed to speak something. He noticed there was something wrong, immediately he hold my hand, said he didn't mean that, just something wrong with the words he used.

I knew he never meant that, but still my heart was broken once those words were heard. Suddenly I felt myself had become someone very different from the 'me' before I met him. I have become a very sensitive girl, I will smile for very small sweet things that he does, and shed tears for just the stupid nothing that he did. Suddenly I have a doubt, am I doing the right thing for loving him so much.. Am I??

Tell me please

thousands of gratitude-

I noticed that i never do things right, most of the time the tasks and things passed on to my hands are either spoiled or ruined. My mum said this is my fate since small, and she has lost her patience for getting mad on me, since it won't make any changes...

And ever since we been together until now, i spoiled most of the properties in the house, and ruined most of the tasks which were under my responsibility. I broke the lock of the room, destroyed the shower head, lost the plug for bathtub, dropped the cushion, dumped the nail cutter somewhere I can't even recall.. There are always problems created by me, forgot to bring the important stuff while already on the way where reverse is not allowed, laptop being hacked and need urgent format yet didn't know what and where the driver was, found the car battery was empty at midnight and need to change it soon before the day, forgot to off the light and caused the house fulled of insects in all species.. there are too lots to mention, and the worse one was that I trapped the cheque in the printer and get it printed with words..

All after all, what surprised me most, was that he never ever get irritated or throw a single word on me..Never never never.. What he did were just solving all the problems that I created and repaired all the things that i spoiled...

Tell me please, who else in the world can treat me better than him..who else in this world can love me more than he does..

Careless

09/04/2010

Accident- Undeniably, I'm a very careless girl..I didn't know what was going wrong, when I accidentally slipped and fell down from the staircases in front of his apartment. He was very shocked and nervous, quickly hold me and helped me to stand, though there were lot of stuffs in his hands..Along the way back to the house, nearly hundred times he asked me whether there was any pain.. Though I told him many times that I was alright, still he looked at my face in a very close distance, wanted to see whether I was in pain or not..

He frowned and sighed for the whole night, told me he was frightened by me.. Once we reached, he immediately lifted up my trousers, kneel down to look for any injury of my legs.. Looking at his anxious face, suddenly I felt so warm and grateful, to have a man who loves and cares for me so much..

Days after that, whenever we walked across the staircases again, he will pay much attention on me, hold me tight and watched my steps, make sure that the careless girl beside him will never fall down again.. :)

I love..

I love the way we finish each other's sentences.
I love the way I know you'll never give up on me.
I love the fact that I wouldn't ever give up on you.
I love the way you look at me.
I love how beautiful your eyes are.
I love the way I can't imagine a day without you in my life.
I love the way if we were ever separated I wouldn't know how to go on.
I love the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together.
I love how I know you'll always be there when I need you to be.
I love the fact that I will always be there for you too.
I love how when I dream of my life partner, the only person that I can see is you.
I love how complete I feel when I am with you.
I love how our bodies just fit together.
I love the way you make me laugh.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you won't compromise yourself when we are together.
I love the way you won't let me compromise myself.
I love your thoughtfulness.
I love your tenderness.
I love your ability to speak without saying a single word.
I love the way we glance at each other across the room and know what each other is thinking.
I love the way, how even though we may be miles apart I still feel like you're right here with me.
I love your love for the things that interest me.
I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy.
I love how you demand respect but are not controlling.
I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy.
I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy.
I love the way your voice sounds over the phone.
I love the way your voice sounds when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
I love the completeness and oneness I feel when we make love.
I love your sensuality.
I love how our romance feels like the perfect romance movie.
I love how you are my soul mate.
I love the way you handle troubled times.
I love the way you respect me.
I love the way you protect and defend me.
I love how you feel when we cuddle.
I love the softness of your lips against mine.
I love the softness of you lips against my body.
I love laying in bed at night talking about nothing.
I love waking up to find we've been cuddling together all night.
I love the surprises you leave for me.
I love your intelligence.
I love your ingenuity.
I love your ability to make friends where ever we go.
I love your love for life.
I love your passion for your hobbies and interests.
I love how every time I look at you, you take my breath away.
I love how I thank God everyday for bringing someone as wonderful as you into my life.
I love the special moments that we shared that will remain my fondest memories of you and I.
I love spending the holidays with the one person I love the most.
I love how my heart skips a beat whenever you walk into the room.
I love how you love me.
I love how I love you.
I love the ways you choose to show your affection for me.
I love the way you inspire me to be more than I am.
I love the way you spark my creativity and imagination.
I love the way you make me feel like anything is possible as long as I'm with you.
I love your sense of humor.
I love the way you make me feel like royalty.
I love you just the way you are.
I love your spontaneity.
I love our life together.
I love how if I died right now I would be the happiest person alive knowing I found my one true love.
I love the fact that we will grow old together.
I love your way with words.
I love the way you look when you are sleeping.
I love your willingness to share everything and most especially your heart with me.
I love your strength of character.
I love taking showers together.
I love the way you treat me.
I love the way you take care of us.
I love the way you take the time to thank me for doing every day things.
I love the way you show your affection when we are around friends and/or family.
I love the way you are not scared to show your affection when we are in public.
I love your confidence.
I love your ability to make me feel better when times are tough.
I love the way you support me when I'm off track.
I love the way you take the time to show me how much you love me.
I love your beautiful hair.
I love your ability to talk things through.
I love your courage to be you.
I love your greatness.
I love the fact that you want to be with me and only me.
I love how I am and feel when I am with you!
I love you for you, My darling ~

Night Mare

22/03/2010

Dream-
Tonight I dreamed of something terrible, I saw that my beloved man cheated on me.. There were different girls he brought back to our room.. They were lying on our bed .. I can't really remember the scene. The only thing which is so strong was the feeling of heartbreak, when I saw them staring at me, I felt my heart was being pierced by a sharp knife, and I could hardly breath..

I decided to leave him, though he begged me to stay.. 'I don't want you anymore!' I said to him, with extreme frustration...I felt very very sad.. The feeling was so strong that made me awake..

Once I opened my eyes, I saw him still sleeping beside me, with his arms cuddling me.. I smiled to myself, what a stupid dream! I know for sure, this day will never come, he will never treat me like that.. because he used to say, I'm the person he loves and cares most.. I know he will never want to see me feeling sad..

I continued sleeping, decided to tell him this funny dream when we wake up together in the morning.. ^^

Decided to..

16/03/2010

Question-Recently, I've been quite close to his best friend, as we have similar topics and same hobby.. His friend is a very handsome and outgoing guy, he cares for me a lot, and we spend most of the time together when he been to work..

Until one day, he told me, he think his friend is falling in love with me.. I was very shocked as I never expect this to be happened..He asked me, what would I do, if his friend asked me to give him a chance.. 'What you want me to do?' I throw the question back to him.. He said, he didn't know.. But,I saw sadness in his eyes..

'I don't like him, no matter how many guys coming around, I won't like them too..' I told him, with smile.. I know for sure, there won't be any other guys who can treat me better than him.. And another thing I didn't tell him, is that he is the only one I love, and I have decided to love him, til the end of my life... :)

Best thing in my life

12/03/2010

There is something I want to remember in my life, to cherish a man who loves me so much and treats me so well..

That was a real busy day, which i suddenly have to rush back to Cheras from my hometown Alor Star. All the bad things came together and that was the worst day I've ever encountered. While I have to be in the hospital early in the morning on the second day, the flight tickets were no longer available, and I found out my friend was actually taking me for a ride, which really got me out of my head. Thus, with no other option, I was forced to take the express bus which I hate most. I departed at night, predicted to reach the Pudu Raya bus station around 2 to 3 in the morning. I was truly reluctant and desperate.. first and foremost, the long hours journey will make my joints become worse, secondly, the bus station is a very terrible and horrible place, especially in the early morning, where there are always unpredictable dangers hiding behind you.

Out of desperate, I told him about the whole situation. He asked me not to worry, and promised to fetch me from the bus station once I reach. Since the arrival time is totally unpredictable, he afraid he might not be able to wake up on time. Thus, he decided to stay awake for the whole night, and gave me a call infrequently to trace the location I was on. Finally, it was around 3am when I arrived, he fetched me all the way back to my hostel.

Who knows, there was another trouble occurred, my car which I left in my hostel throughout the holiday was unable to start!! Luckily he was there, helping me to check for the problem and found out that was because of the battery. It was truly a big trouble for me, as I don't know how to get to a mechanical shop to buy a new battery, and next even if I already bought the battery, how could I change it with the old one.. But the troubles were all solved by itself, when he told me he'll help me to fix everything. After that, he helped me to carry all the stuffs up to my room, which is on the third floor, though he was really tired..He sighed a lot, I teased him by asking what for he sigh? while I am the owner of the car, and yet I still feel so relaxing. He looked at me and sighed again, said that my problems are all becoming his.. ^^

After a few days, my friend told me she encountered the same situation too, but she faced a lot of problems when she had to fix the battery issue by herself, without anyone beside her.. I think I must be truly blessed to have such a nice man in my life, giving me all his love and protection, as if my guardian angel.. As long as he is by my side, I have nothing to worry..

With proud, I wish to announce to the world,
The Best Thing of My Life, is that I have Found You.. :)

Because..

01/03/2010

New House-Finally, we moved into the new house. Remember few weeks earlier, a night before we slept, he hold me in his arms and told me we are going to move into the new house, which is very big with nice view.. With joy, he described to me every part of the new house..the room and bathroom inside, the living room, the balcony, the kitchen..'What do you think, dear?'He asked. I smiled to him, 'As you like,darling.' I said, and closed my eyes...I did not want to make any comment, because the house has nothing to do with me, it was given to him by the club. I feel glad that he decided to discuss with me and always tell me everything happens around him, as if I'm a very important person, whom he wants to share his life with..

That was a busy day, for him at least, to drive down kl looking for new furniture, then rush back to pack and move stuffs from one house to another. He came back around 9pm, his voice following the door-opening sound, calling me come out for dinner. I walked out from the room, noticed 2 sets of Mc.Donald on the dining table.. While eating, I asked him where are the other friends, do they want to eat as well? He said all of them finished their meals in the car. 'Why you didn't eat in the car as well?' I felt sorry seeing his reckless and hungry face.. 'Because I'm your boyfriend.' He turned to his back, washing the cutlery.. Because he didn't want his girlfriend to have dinner alone at home.. He didn't notice that I was smiling sweetly. The food was cold, but I felt very warm inside..

One Love

25/02/2010

Unavailable-I noticed something funny, whenever I talk about someone handsome, or telling him the handsome guys who admire me, his facial expression will become very funny, I think I can really see some kind of jealousy behind.. :) There was once he accidentally saw the photo of my ex, which makes him more convince that I really interested in those guys with good look and fit body. And the funny part is I know that he always hint me to say that he is handsome too, but I just like to ignore him purposely, enjoying the moment to see him can't get the things he wanted..hehe..

Hmm..tell u what, in fact, my man is a very good looking guy, I enjoy looking at him whenever I wake up before him in the morning.

Well I think I'm a very simple girl, I don't like conflict, and I don't like to make my life so complicated and miserable. With that, I only love one person at one time. As long as my man loves me faithfully and treats me nicely, I will only love him for my entire life.. No matter how many guys with better qualifications come to me, I'll just tell them honestly, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend.. And, I love him very much." ^^

I know

6/2/2010

'If one day, when I lost my job, and I have no money, will you leave me?'-
There was a night when we're having dinner with his colleagues, seemed they were facing some problems in work, and the guys kept talking about to leave the club. He was very quiet for the whole night, until he raised up this question. I laughed at him, 'what do you think, darling?' I asked. He shook his head, looked straight into my eyes, waiting for my answer. I told him of course I'll never leave him, worst come to worst, we can just eat bread with tuna everyday, some more that's his favourite! We laughed together, and finally I saw his smile... He held my hand close to his lips, and kissed softly.

Deep inside my heart, I know that I'm totally falling into this guy, whom I willing to follow no matter what kind of future awaiting in front. There is no doubt, if he is the only one who able to bring me happiness, and if he is the only man I want to love in my life. I think i am getting crazy, to be in love with someone so much as this, which never ever happens in my life before. But i know for sure,he is definitely the worthy person who deserves it. :)

Passion

25/01/2010

3 months-remember when there's just the beginning of this relationship, my friends told me, 'Beware, the feeling will fade, sweet things won't last long.. Soon, both of you will feel bored and no longer be so sweet as now.. This is very common for every couples, you have to prepare yourself, to encounter a day when there is no more passion, but just habit and responsibility..' One of them said, 3 months was her record. I took a deep breathe, tried very hard to imagine, that after 3 months, what will we become.. My Mr.R and I.. How sad it is, if this is the tradition, and I can't make any changes..

And now, more than 3 months that we have been together, so grateful that we are still been so sweet as the beginning, well, seem to be sweeter and closer than that.. After the hustle and bustle that we have encountered for all these while, we have learned to understand and tolerate, and found ourselves loving each others more and more in every single day..

He likes to hold me tightly on his chest, said afraid that I'll run away. I smiled to him, doesn't he know that I have lost the strength to escape, since the day I'm falling in love with him..

The Answer

30/12/09

Lucky- Today i went to the nephrology ward, which I most afraid to enter, because the patients are those with the same disease as me, but their condition is worse, almost at the end-stage where their kidney function is impaired, and they have to consume high dose of corticosteroids. I always avoid myself from entering it, afraid to see how much suffers the patients need to endure, which I might have a probability to encounter too.

In the isolation room, I saw a patient looking at me, and we smiled to each others. She is a young Chinese lady, 28 years old, and she is very pretty, with long hair and fair skin. She is the only patient who can still smile and looked so happy and energetic. I saw a man sitting beside the bed, and I can guess that he must be the reason. She told me she first developed the symptoms at 13 years old, her father quickly sent her to the hospital, because her mother is also a known case of SLE, who passes away when she was only 3 years old. Very unfortunately, she inherits the same illness from her mother. She told me a lot about her story. But i noticed that she always cheerful even though there's sad part of the story. She told me the handsome gentleman sitting beside is her husband, and I asked her whether they have children, she said they are still hesitate, afraid to pass down the disease to their offspring. I asked her husband whether he minds? He laughed at me, and asked me back what should he mind? Everyone will fall sick, he said, his wife is the only woman he wants in his life. She smiled at him sweetly. I told her she is very lucky to have such a nice husband.

And finally, before I leave, I told her actually I am also having the same illness. She was really surprised, and she asked me, 'Do you have a boyfriend?'. 'Yes,'I answered. 'Does he mind?'. The next question she asked. I didn't say anything but just smile... 'You are lucky too,' I think she got the answer. ^^