No matter what

29/11/09

Decision-
Today, i make a decision, a very tough decision in my life, that I decided to consume corticosteroid. After few weeks of consideration, though very reluctant, I know that now is the time to start this medication, or else I will be one of the patients lying in the nephrology ward. It is never an easy decision for me to make, undeniably, I truly afraid of the side effects of corticosteroid, from a list of complications it may carry, that's the reason why I kept escaping when doctor prescribes me this medicine. Anyway, so sad to admit but it's true, this is the only medication that can cure me, though not permanently, at least to halt the worsening of my condition...

I'm phobia of the pain, it starts from the evening, almost every day, as if a curse, and all of a sudden every single joint is involved, that every step I made is completely piercing my heart... I don't know whether he notice, that is the reason why I went to bed very early, in order to reduce as much movement as possible.

I told him my decision, seem he didn't know much about this corticosteroid. I didn't know how to initiate the explanation, as every sentence will just frighten him, if he would know the list of side effects...

I hope that he loves me is because of all that I am, but not only because of my external look. Just like I used to tell him, no matter what he becomes, I will still love him...