Breakfast

Breadwinner-
Every morning, during breakfast, he usually just drinks something hot, while I take bread with tuna, and a hot drink as well. He said he wanna buy me some jam, kaya? strawberry? peanut? butter? I said I don't want, and I just want to eat the bread on its own. He didn't allow, I told him I saw him eating plain bread this morning, and I asked him why he can take that while I cannot... He said breadwinner is always like that, himself can just eat anything plain, or not eating at all, but will make sure his family to have a full meal.I smiled, didn't know whether it means that I'm also one of his family members, who he wants to take care of. I feel glad that I have found the nicest guy in the world, and he is mine. :)

wait for you

15/11/09

Clothes-
In the evening when he came back from work, and decided to go for a shower, he opened the cupboard and saw his shirts were being ironed and arranged tidily. He was surprised, looking at me, and smiled. I saw appreciation in his eyes. I felt funny, I only noticed that the man I love is so easy to feel contented. I guess there is a long time since he has to take care of himself, and even take care of people around him. But now, he has me, and we will take care of each others. At night, he suddenly told me, 'Thank you for ironing my shirts.' I had nothing to say but just smiled... I don't know whether he still remember, there was a night when we resting in the living room, I said I am very happy because I have a lot of people sayang me, he told me nobody sayang him, and I laid my head on his shoulder, cuddling him and said, 'I'll sayang you.' I said it, and I really meant it...

Wait-
While waiting for him to fetch me back to KL, I sit on the sofa, enjoying the beautiful scene outside, clouds, birds, forest and mountain... I bet with myself, within half an hour there will be foot steps and door opening sounds, and I can welcome my darling back home by giving him a warm hug. Time passed, again I bet with myself for another half an hour, but I lose again... Another half an hour I bet, since this is the only game I can do while waiting for him, so that I didn't feel boring. And finally he came back, I walked to him and hugged him tightly... Just want to tell him I will wait for him, no matter how late it is, as long as he back home...

Our daughter

15/11/09

Raining- Today is a very cold day, the rain falls heavily for hours, we are shivering inside the car, especially him because of the wet shirt... In Pizza Hut, there is a kid who cries so loud and draws our attention. I see a young couple, bringing their son for a dinner with friends, but finally ends up the father has to sacrifice himself to carry the baby all around to comfort him. i ask him, 'Do you like kids?', 'Hmm.. if like this one then i don't like.' while pointing to that particular crying kid. I smile, telling him all kids are like that, so you cannot avoid that. I tell him i like kids, he looks at me with a very surprising face, 'Really ar?' Well, I don't know what I did to make him thinks that I'm kind of 'anti-kid' girl, due to my over-anxious towards pregnancy I guess. Actually, I wish to have my own kids and family, when there is a suitable timing and a correct person to spend my whole life together with. Since I was a child, there is one ambition inside my heart, which is to become a good wife to my beloved husband, and a good mother to my dearest children. Anyhow, due to my current condition, i started to reconsider this, whether I should really have my own family and kids, as I might leave them at any moment. Will it be better if I just live alone, and leave alone... Sometimes I feel worry about my Mr.R, let say after 10 years or 15 years, when there is something unpredictable happens, and I'm no longer around him, what will happen to him...

Our daughter- If that is the case, I think I'll leave a kid with him, so that he will not feel lonely. I hope that she is a daughter, and she has my eyes and smile, so that he can see me whenever he sees her... I hope that she doesn't cry much, because her father doesn't like kid who cries a lot... Hmm..she will be a smart girl like her mother, so he no need to worry much and can focus on his career... And she will have a good memory like me too, to help her father to remember the direction and daily stuffs... I guess he will love our daughter very much, just like how much he loves me... and I'm sure she will love her father too, on behalf of me... Our daughter will be a very cute and nice girl, she will talk to her father when he is bored... She will kiss her father every night before he sleeps, and every morning when he opens his eyes... and she will give her father a warm and tight hug, when he coming back from work... She will touch her father's hair and tell him to calm down, when he is getting mad... She will hold her father's hand when he feels cold, and try to give him some warm... and she will write 'I Love U' on her father's palm, just like what her mother always does...

But of course, i wish that the story will be my Mr.R and I, and our daughter, three of us living happily until the end... :)

Because I care

8/11/09

My Mistake-
So, this careless guy forgot to bring along his hp charger during his 4 days vacation in Penang. He said he gonna save the battery, so have to minimize the usage of handphone. However, I received his call everyday, sometimes even more than once, I don't know what else should I comment on him... Before this, I asked him to help me look for my handphone casing in Penang, I didn't know that this is the biggest mistake i have ever made. Because this has troubled him a lot, searching here and there. What make things worse is when I told him the wrong code when he called me up and asked for the model of my handphone. It was too late when I noticed the mistake because I have no way to contact him, his handphone was off and i don't have any of his friends' or his family members' number. I didn't know what can I do. I was truly angry, not because of him, but because of myself, for making such a stupid mistake. I really angry at myself that i shouldn't ask him for any favour. I should have just let him enjoy his holiday since he doesn't have much time for a vacation like this... and there were hundred times he told me how much he eager to go back to Penang...So I almost shouted out when the next morning I received his call. I can't help myself scolding him for why not listen to me and just go to enjoy his holiday, for why so careless and didn't bring along the handphone charger... I told him, 'Whenever you want to go for a vacation again, remember to let me check your luggage, I want to make sure you bring all the necessary things...' I hope he could understand that I scolded him is because I really care for him, but not because I'm an autocratic girl who wants to control her boyfriend...

Yes, I do..

07/11/09

Morning Walk-
This morning, i wake up early, decided to go for a morning walk. Remember the day when he called me, telling me ways to prevent autoimmune disease. I know he must be searching hard, trying to understand my illness... He said he read a research on green tea and autoimmune disease, and the result shows it helps to prevent its occurrence. 'I want you to do me a favour,dear. Can you please help me to drink the green tea everyday. If you love me, please drink...' I didn't know what to say, I never read about these facts in the books, but I do love him... very very much... He told me, there are three things to prevent my illness, morning walk, fresh air and early morning sunshine. He told me to go for a walk early in the morning when I go to Berjaya Hills, I said I will, if he walks with me... Deep in my heart, I told myself that I'll try my best to stay as healthy as possible. Because of this man who loves me so much, I feel very reluctant to leave, and I extremely wish to be together with him, until the very end...

Sorry Darling

05/11/09

Illness-
This is the only thing that I can’t choose in my life. I was born with it, and was forced to live with it. I know he doesn’t mind, but I do mind, if my condition were to affect him, causing him to worry and feel stress. I heard he sighed when he knew my health condition, I felt my heartache, it’s even painful than my joints. I started to regret, for decided to let him love me. Does he know? I don’t mind to leave his world, if there is another healthy girl who can take good care of him and live with him until the end. Because I love this man too much that I just want to see him happy, for that I willing to do anything…

Because of you

31/10/09

House-
I noticed his house is really messy, coins, papers, snacks, kettles, bottles, cigarettes, bulbs, shirts, just everything that you can name it. I’m wondering why they don’t like to keep the stuffs inside the cabinet but just spreading them all over the visible corner. I tried to arrange them, but not to modify too much, to prevent this guy can’t find his things and become irritated.

Kettle-
After washing the bottles, I decided to fill it with clean water so that he can drink when thirsty. But the only functional kettle in this house makes it a difficult task. So I have to boil the water, pour it into the glasses, wait for the temperature to reduce, then pour into the bottle. Then repeat the process all over again, I can’t remember how many rounds I repeated, until the time he came back to bring me out for lunch. I told him to change a bigger kettle, because it’s so tiring… But if the time goes back to the morning, I’ll still do the same thing though I know it is gonna be an exhausting job, because I want the man I love to be a healthy person.

Bentong-
Today I am very happy. It is the first time I truly laugh from my heart, since the day I get sick, two years ago when I learnt to fake my smile. I know it’s all because of him, a gift from God to brighten up my life. When crossing the road, I lifted my heel to kiss him, saw him in shocked and laughed at him. In the ice-cream shop, I intentionally sit right beside him, because I want to stay as close to the man I love as possible, while I still have the chance to do so... Sincerely, I wished that time can stop at today forever…

Night-
I didn’t sleep after we made love at 3.30a.m. I don’t want to waste the time on sleeping, but just want to see this man longer, while I still have the time to stay beside him. Watching him to sleep, I wished upon the stars, that tomorrow will never come, though I know my wish will never come true… It won't be enough even i'm telling him hundred times that I love him...